We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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