What a fucking waste of an outfit
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize