giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
