@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
