Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
