Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
