we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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