ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize