Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
