she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
