Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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