Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize