i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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