Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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