if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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