First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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