i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
