He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
