There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
