I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
