I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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