I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
