I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
