I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
