im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I deserve this hangover.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
