how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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