I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
