Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
