so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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