please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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