I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
