shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
