If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
