for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
