You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize