Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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