i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
