I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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