Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
