He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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