My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize