I accidentally had phone sex last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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