I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
