i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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