the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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