Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
