so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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