I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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