fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
