is your mom at the bar?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
third nipple confirmed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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