I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize