I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
