I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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