so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
