i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
