I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
