He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
