how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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