that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
