hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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