I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
