I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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