Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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