happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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