Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
