my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
