I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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