ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
