the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
