That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
